Fit For Her Journey
The FIT FOR HER JOURNEY podcast was created to inspire and uplift women on their journey to personal growth and fulfillment in faith, health, and wellness. Through real insight, wisdom and the word of God, join Allie as she shares a bit of church, a bit of life, health and wellness and a lot of the word, God’s Word! Allie deep dives into the word of God and shares with her audience empowering and heartfelt reflections while creating a safe space for women, where vulnerability, truth and growth can exist on their journey. Life comes with its own challenges and setbacks, and Allie invites her audience to draw near to God for hope, grace and restoration. Be encouraged to surrender, abide, and step into the incredible will of God that He created for you. Be her. You are her. Become FIT FOR HER JOURNEY.
Fit For Her Journey
Journey of Surrender and Healing
Have you ever felt abandoned or rejected, grappling with the chains of fear and shame from your past? Join me, Allie Gibbs, in this episode of FIT FOR HER JOURNEY as I open up about my testimony and personal experiences with parental absence and addiction. Growing up amidst these challenges, I was planted with deep fears, but my journey towards healing and faith has shown me that God's grace offers hope and renewal. This heartfelt exploration invites you to witness how surrender and vulnerability can transform your life in the hand of God, as we discuss the profound impact of childhood experiences on our sense of self and the power of faith to overcome them.
Together, we'll navigate the path from pain to healing, discovering God's unwavering love and divine protection as the perfect parent. I'll share how a newfound relationship with God has been a beacon of light, guiding me through times of instability and uncertainty, and how it can do the same for you. This episode culminates in a healing prayer intended especially for God's daughters, rejecting the lies that bind us and encouraging you to embrace a life filled with peace, grace, and the truth of God's love. Let this be your invitation to step into a deeper level of faith and surrender, experiencing the true essence of divine healing and forgiveness.
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You are now listening to the Fit for Her Journey podcast with Allie Gibbs. Welcome back to another episode of Fit for Her Journey, where we have a bit of church, a bit of life, health and wellness and a lot of the word, god's word. I am your host, allie Gibbs. What's up, sis? How is your heart today?
Speaker 1:Sometimes, as women, we just need to do a heart check because life can become so busy around us that we forget to just check in on our hearts. I know for me, the Holy Spirit has been convicting me to do continuous heart checks because I have been in a place of surrender with God. Surrender is heavy all by itself, but when living for God, surrender is a posture which is the bridge to the next level of what God is doing in and through you. Obedience is key, but with obedience comes surrender, surrendering our will for God's will. You know, we all have desires in our hearts. We make plans for our lives, but truthfully and honestly, god establishes our steps right and honestly, god establishes our steps right. In my surrender I have learned that once I have laid it down, god reveals something else in me that requires yet another surrender, but in the midst of it I'm grateful because he's giving me so much grace in the process, because he is gracious, compassionate and full of love In my own journey of becoming the woman God has created me to be. God has called me to a place of vulnerability Vulnerable because he has placed something in me that is far greater than me, where pride, stagnation and bitterness cannot go and my vulnerability will be a gateway for another sister Y'all.
Speaker 1:This is the seventh episode of Fit for Her Journey and it has stood out to me because seven is the number of completion. And God revealed to me by the Holy Spirit that the feelings of being blocked, you know that feeling of resistance when you're trying to avoid doing a thing he showed me that I have been experiencing it due to holding back my vulnerability. If you're anything like me, an introvert, I don't go around opening up to just anyone because discernment is real, to just anyone. Because discernment is real, and in this surrender it has been revealed, in sharing my story, because for me it is heavy. Plus, the devil knows that there is breakthrough attached to my story. So if he could hold me back, then God's will won't be done. So he thought. But he's a liar, always have been and always will be so. This seventh episode was all a part of God's plan for completion and an end to an error in order for me to step into the next level of faith and surrender. I hope it encourages you into your next level with God. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1:I came into this world not wanted. I came into this world abandoned, neglected, rejected, and I did not even know it. But my Heavenly Father had a purpose and plan for me and my life. I want to share my testimony and in doing so, I want to share a story about my inner young girl named Allie. Psalms 127.3 says Children are a gift from the Lord. They are a reward from Him.
Speaker 1:Going back through my life, I can't say that I always felt that way. In fact, thinking back and hearing the stories about my mother and father's relationship and the circumstances of how I was conceived later left me with a huge void. See, my mother was 19 when she had me and my father was 35, and they weren't married. Now, in the 80s, I don't know if that was the norm Still to this day. I don't know the dynamic of their relationship if there really was one. Based on the stories I was told over the years, it seemed to me more like a situationship.
Speaker 1:I was the second of my mother's three daughters and we all had different fathers, but I was always a mama's girl. I was that daughter who always wanted to be where my mom was literally attached to her hip. My father was never present in my life, although he knew I existed. As for me, I had no thoughts or desire to ask about him because he was someone who never existed to me, because, from birth, I never met or connected with him. Sounds pretty straightforward, right? No, it was the first sign and seed of abandonment and rejection that I did not know existed. To add to that, my mom, who I yearned for all the time, developed a drug addiction. This was in the 80s, which was the highly known crack and cocaine era. With that, my mom took to her drug addiction over me and my sisters. We were placed and raised by our grandparents to keep us from being placed in foster care. This was the beginning of enduring abandonment and rejection, both physically and emotionally, that I experienced.
Speaker 1:Can you imagine being a young girl crying out for her mother, only wanting to be with her, but she was nowhere to be found? I remember when I was about two, maybe three years old, during a time when my mom was able to get herself together to get her own apartment and my sisters and I went to go visit with her. And one night I remember waking up in the middle of the night. My mom and I were sleeping on the couch. My sister was in the bedroom sleeping and I remember two men breaking in and robbing my mom's apartment. I remember just laying there, trying not to move, pretending to be sleeping but watching. I was so scared but I was able to see my mom was there on the couch with me sleeping. I was afraid of what would happen if I got up or cried out to her, so I just stayed still. This was the first entry point of fear and trauma in my life.
Speaker 1:My youngest sister and I were really close. We played together. We fought, as sisters sometimes do, but it was usually her and I together a lot. I can remember the time we were playing outside and I looked at her and I noticed her eyes were crossed and she looked like she wanted to cry. I happened to see my grandmother as she was driving by us in our apartment complex and I stopped her and told her something was wrong with Cherie. That was my youngest sister's name. We got her into the car and my grandmother, along with my mom, took her to the hospital immediately. It was then that we discovered that Cherie had a cancerous brain tumor. She was only three years old.
Speaker 1:Cherie died three weeks after her fourth birthday. I was crushed. I was confused, I didn't understand. I thought that if I wouldn't have noticed, understand. I thought that if I wouldn't have noticed, maybe she would still be alive. She was my closest friend and she left me. As a young girl I couldn't even digest it Just earlier before Cherie's passing.
Speaker 1:I can remember another time my older sister and I went to visit our mom this time it was a different apartment and I was around five or six years old and my older sister and I went to visit our mom this time it was a different apartment and I was around five or six years old and my older sister was around nine at the time. I remember our mom saying she was going somewhere really quick and she would be back and for us not to open the door. She left us there all day. We didn't know where she was. We didn't have anything to eat and I think we may have had just peanut butter. I can't recall how long after, but I remember the police showing up and my grandmother coming to get us.
Speaker 1:Isaiah 49, 15 says can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has born? Though she may forget, I will not forget you. Even in my mother's battle with addiction, we knew she loved us, but it took the place of her children. God was the perfect parent. He sustained us. My mother's addiction affected me heavily because I just wanted to be with her and, as a child not understanding the emotions, I felt the disconnect, the buildup of abandonment and rejection. I felt not feeling wanted or worthy enough to have my mother in my life because of her addiction. I was hurt and the pain I felt in my heart was real. It was also embarrassing, feeling like I didn't have a mother or a father.
Speaker 1:I saw my father once my whole life, when I was about five years old and I spoke to him once on the phone. On my 10th birthday. He promised me so many things, even a bike. I was so excited. The young girl in me is still waiting on that bike. My mother told me my father had many other children and, although I'm not sure of the extent of his relationship with them. Mine was non-existent. So not only did I have a father that didn't know me, I had what I believed, other siblings that also didn't know me, what I believed other siblings that also didn't know me.
Speaker 1:When I was staying with my mom when I was nine years old, things seemed pretty good. My grandparents didn't live too far from my mom and I my mom, would walk me close to my grandparents' house where I would meet my sister, and we would go to school from there. But not too long after living with her, I was sexually abused again. Being terrified in that moment, I laid there, still not wanting to move out of fear of what was going to happen next. I pretended to be asleep, but as the perpetrator came back, he noticed I was awake and hid in my mother's bathroom. My mom was sleeping on the floor in the living room, where I found her, which scared me even more because I wasn't sure if she was hurt. But I quickly woke her up as she was just sleeping, unaware of what was happening. After waking her and seeing her reaction, after I told her what happened, she told me to call the police, but it was only by God's mercy that that man made it past my mom alive.
Speaker 1:My mother's drug addiction continued through most of my childhood. She was incarcerated. She went to multiple rehabs and women's homes. It was rough having a mother in and out of my life. I wanted stability. But stability in my life became even more non-existent because when I was 15 and living with my grandparents, we became homeless and lived in a hotel for a while. I tried so hard to live a normal teenage life and it was not looking good. It was the most embarrassing and shameful times of my life. I felt as though I didn't fit in my friends' circle at school, often switched because I wasn't able to do the things most of them were able to do, mainly from a financial lack.
Speaker 1:As a young girl I was really ambitious. I had this drive that I wanted more in life. I knew there was a teenager. All the pain, hurt, trauma, unworthiness, not enough, abandonment and rejection were all seeds that were planted, all used by the enemy to try and shape my life, and I didn't realize how much it affected me until later in my adulthood. It showed up in my relationships, friendships, even me, trying to show up as someone I wasn't just to try and fit in on the job and with other people. I was that strong friend that could help everyone else, but never opened up enough to let anyone help me. I was so guarded. Psalms 27, 10 through 11 says even if my father and mother abandoned me, the Lord will hold me close. Teach me how to live, o Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting. Another version of that scripture reads when my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me. Teach me your way, o Lord, and lead me in a smooth path because of my enemies.
Speaker 1:What I remember growing up? My family was religious. We were Baptist and I knew I came from a praying family who went to church periodically. You know those Easter, sunday and Mother's Day church goers. So, needless to say, I did not grow up in the church, but I knew my mom and grandmother had faith and were strong praying women. So naturally I believed in God, jesus and the Holy Spirit. But I didn't fully understand my faith. So when I became an adult and would attempt to go to church, I often felt confused and again wanted to fit in, but my insecurities and not feeling like I belonged and unworthy I just decided to stay out of the church. But one thing I felt was real. I just decided to stay out of the church, but one thing I felt was real was that God had me.
Speaker 1:It wasn't until I experienced a strong pull to dedicate my life to God fully as an adult woman. I don't know where the shift happened, but the pull was strong enough that I followed it, and it was then that my faith grew and I encountered a relationship with Jesus. In doing so, as I began to reflect over the arch of my life, I seen God's sovereignty and how he has kept me, how he has protected me. I seen how he went before me even when I didn't know where to turn. He was there with me every step of the way. See, what I didn't know about God then, that I know now is that he would never leave me nor forsake me, and that he actually cares for me. He is not a man that he should lie. He is and was the perfect parent.
Speaker 1:I discovered that I no longer had to live with the pain of abandonment and rejection or shame. None of it was my burden to carry, so I began to lay it down at his feet as surrender. For years, I had learned to forget about the past traumas and moments of pain by building a defensive wall. Even when I thought back to why all the memories of trauma, pain and rejection were coming back so vividly, I asked God what he was trying to reveal to me by bringing it all to surface more recently. And he revealed to me just as vividly that the revealing wasn't to hurt me. It was to heal me from it all. Now I thought I had already healed from it all as time passed and I gave forgiveness. But then I started to see how those same feelings and emotions I once had were showing up in my marriage with my children and even certain friendships, when I felt abandoned, rejected or misunderstood. Right, it was like a cut where the scab was healing over, but anytime I was triggered, the scab would be pulled right back off and the bleeding would start again.
Speaker 1:I've learned that if God brought you to it, he will bring you through it, and although healing isn't pretty or perfect, I still have battles at times, but I know the Lord is with me and he will see me through to the other side, because he has already overcome the world. Something else I've come to know is true, and that is that the devil is a liar. Far too long he has tried to whisper lies and use my experiences and trauma as opportunities to deceive me. Even at such an early age he thought that if he could keep me from knowing who I was in Christ, as his way to rage war against me, he would have the victory, because he knows I am born of God. I know he is afraid of me and the power and authority I have. His time is limited. In fact, I'm victorious. I didn't know it then, but, my God, I know it now. He thought he could keep me pressed on every side by trauma and troubles that started in the womb, but I'm not crushed.
Speaker 1:I know the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. He can't tell the truth as he is the father of lies. It's his character. But I serve him. Notice no more. And what he meant for evil, god turned it around for good, because greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world.
Speaker 1:So I want to encourage you to take your power back, claim your rightful place as a daughter of the most high God. As a daughter of the Most High God, you're a daughter of the King, sis, I don't know what you have been through. I don't know what trials, tribulations and sorrows you have faced. I don't know what lies the enemy has tried to tell you. But I want you to know you are not alone in your suffering. The weight you have been carrying can be no more if you surrender it to God. You have been battling with your burdens too long. Give them to Jesus so he can give you rest. God has chosen you for far greater than what you see right now. He did not bring you this far to leave you or forsake you. He is not those who hurt you.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something about God. The truth is, I know God is a healer. He is a father to the fatherless and the motherless. I know God to be a provider and that he shall supply all of your needs. I know him to never leave nor forsake you. I know you and I are loved. He calls us chosen.
Speaker 1:It doesn't even matter who didn't choose you. I know he chose me when others didn't, for such a time as this, and guess what? He always will. He knew me before he formed me in my mother's womb. I am his masterpiece. I know he has plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. And if God before me, who can be against me? My trust isn't in man or the outcomes of life, but my faith and trust is in God. Jesus walks with me, he talks with me, sticks closer than any brother or sister, and because of him I have been made whole and he will do the same for you.
Speaker 1:I know who my father is. He is not a man that he should lie. He is a father who gives everlasting love, grace and mercy, love that runs wide and deep, long and high Agape, love that truly endures forever. No matter what others say about you or what you once thought about yourself, there is nothing that will keep his love from you or me. So I know the blood of Jesus still works. I share my story because God has placed it on my heart to do so for the inner young girl and so that I may be a gateway to another sister's healing journey, for someone else who has endured such suffering and the lies of the enemy, and to encourage you to surrender the pain, the trauma, the shame, embarrassment, abandonment, rejection and lack of self-worth to the one who saves Jesus. Sis, I can't tell you about something I don't know, but I can tell you about what I do know, and that is the love and faithfulness of knowing God.
Speaker 1:My Father, let's pray.
Speaker 1:Father, I pray for every one of your daughters who is listening right now, that you will penetrate their hearts with your unfailing love.
Speaker 1:May you allow forgiveness to flow within their heart to begin the healing process. I come against every lie, evil scheme and principality of the enemy that has kept them in bondage and captive To his evil ways. Bondage and captive to his evil ways. I serve him. Notice that he must flee and that they are loosed and set free in their hearts and in their minds. In the name of Jesus, I pray your love comforts them in their pain, moments of weakness and uncertainty, and that they draw closer to you so they begin to be transformed by the renewing of their minds and believe the truth in what you say about them. Father, I pray that you bless and keep my sisters. May you shine your face upon them and be gracious to them. God, may you turn your face towards them and give them peace in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus. Amen, sis, I love you and God loves you more and until next time, peace, love and blessings you.